


Riding the Wheel of If: Episode 27

by JayKay (McKay)



Category: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-03 00:09:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10955613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McKay/pseuds/JayKay
Summary: Obi-Wan, in his continuing quest, drops in on a version of himself who is happy, and discovers he doesn't really care for the reason for the happiness.





	Riding the Wheel of If: Episode 27

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2000. This was my contribution to Mrs Hamil's "Riding the Wheel of If" epic saga -- an excellent tale ranging from broad comedy to darkest angst and everything in-between.

It began as always--with a bang of displaced air, a moment of disorientation, and then Obi-Wan Kenobi was firmly fixed in another reality. Force only knew what he would find in this one.

He gave a quiet, mirthless snort at that thought. How many times in his life had he said or heard other Jedi say, "Force only knows..."? Those words had turned out to be prophetic for him. He was lost in the labyrinth of time and space, and only the Force knew his path. He certainly didn't! 

Stowing the 'saber in his backpack, he glanced around, trying to get a feel for this world. Because of his own close encounter with the Dark Side, he had grown acutely attuned to Dark vibrations, sensing tiny ripples that other Jedi might easily miss. But here, all felt peaceful and right. Whatever else may be going on here, this Temple was not under siege or under the influence of the Sith. 

It was also more like what he was accustomed to: pure, clean, utilitarian lines; a central compound and four towers. Unlike the last Temple, which had been surrounded by a lush, verdant jungle, this Temple was in the midst of a bustling city; he could see the tall spires of countless buildings rising on the horizon, a familiar and comforting sight. 

Maybe, he thought with a little lift of hope, this would be a resting place for him. That thought hastened his steps as he hurried into the Temple to consult the directory in the main Promenade, hoping there was a Master Yoda here. A quick check showed him there was, and he breathed a sigh of relief. That usually meant the reality in question was fairly close to his own. He paused, remembering the glitter. 

Usually. 

He made his way through the corridors, seeking Master Yoda's quarters. He wouldn't take any chances or make any assumptions; it would be best to check with the venerable Jedi Master before doing anything else and hope that he didn't get sidetracked first as he had so many times before. He preferred knowing what he was getting into first before being tossed into it headlong. 

He had almost reached his destination and had thought he would make it to Master Yoda without recognizing or being recognized by anyone--and then he rounded a corner and nearly ploughed into Bant. Instinctively, they clutched each other's arms for balance, and then she blinked at him. 

"You cut your hair," she said, amazement lacing her tone. "How did you talk him into letting you do that? Did you guys have a fight or something?" 

"Uh..." Obi-Wan struggled to come up with a suitably vague yet plausible excuse. 

Hair...? Fight...? Obviously he existed in this reality. Did Bant's cryptic words mean that his Master was still alive and well here too? Was this another reality in which he had to get the two lovers together at last and then watch them go off into happily ever after together while he faced more endless nights alone? 

"No... We didn't have a fight," he said. Which was technically true; he wasn't entirely sure who she was talking about, and if anyone had a fight, it wasn't with him. "I just... uh... thought it was time for a trim." 

Bant reached up and ran her hand over his short-cropped hair. "This is a little more than a trim, Obi. Well, you two will work it out. You always do." She side-stepped him and waved cheerfully. "Sorry, but I'm already late as it is. Talk to you later!" 

And then she was gone, leaving Obi-Wan standing there, puzzled. Her words implied that his double was involved in something more than a Master-Padawan relationship. The implication was... romantic. But if Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were already together here, then what was he supposed to do? 

Shaking his head, he continued on to Master Yoda's quarters, hoping the Jedi Master was there rather than engaged in business with the Council, and luck was with him. Yoda peered up at him, his green eyes narrowing speculatively. 

"Cut your hair you have." 

What was the big deal with his hair?! 

"Actually, no, I haven't, Master." Obi-Wan gave a one-sided smile. "It's a long story, but I think you'll be interested in hearing it. May I come in?" 

An hour later, Obi-Wan had told his entire tale and fielded all of Yoda's questions until the Master seemed satisfied. Now Yoda gazed steadily at him, nodding. 

"Your final destination this is not," Yoda informed him bluntly. 

Obi-Wan wasn't surprised; the encounter with Bant had let him know there was no grieving Qui-Gon here, longing for the return of his dead Padawan. Still, hearing the words spoken aloud sent a pang of disappointment through him. Another reality. Another task. Sometimes it felt as if this ordeal would never end, and he would never be granted peace. 

His jaw clenched, and without realizing it, he curled his fists in the fabric of his robe. When would it ever end? His hope and patience had been flagging even before his encounter with the Dark Qui-Gon, and since then... Anger and despair welled up in his chest, shattering what little hard-won calm he'd managed to regain. 

All he wanted was a resting place. All he wanted was to find a place to call home. Was that too much to ask? Just because he'd been the one to accidentally create the trans-dimensional lightsaber shouldn't mean that he was doomed to spend the rest of his life adrift. As far as he knew, no one else had ever been required to perform this in service to the Force, and it wasn't fair! Enough was enough! 

A touch on his arm brought him out of his whirling thoughts, and he glanced down to see Master Yoda looking steadily at him. 

"Peace, young one." 

Under the Master's serene gaze, he felt a measure of resentment and anger drain away, replaced by resignation. For whatever reason, this was his purpose. He could only hope that it would be fulfilled soon. Perhaps, he thought morosely, the only chance he had of ever rejoining his Master was through his own death and becoming one with the Force at last. 

"Endured much you have." Yoda's ears rose as he stepped back, still regarding Obi-Wan with the same tranquil expression. "Painful it has been, yes, and painful it will be, but trust in the Force you must." 

"I know, Master," he replied wearily. "I'm trying. Now, please... could you just tell me what happened here?" 

With a terse nod, Yoda continued. "To Naboo, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan went over two years ago. Died Qui-Gon did. A great loss it was to the Temple. To Obi-Wan." 

Obi-Wan frowned, puzzled. Bant's words had implied that here, he was involved with someone. He'd assumed that meant Qui-Gon. But if not Qui-Gon... who? 

"Since then, many changes." Yoda's ears lowered, and he thumped his gimer stick resolutely. "Speak to Obi-Wan you must. Explain he will." 

And it seemed that was that. The audience was over. 

At Yoda's instruction, Obi-Wan headed for the meditation gardens, where the Jedi Master said he could most likely find this reality's Obi-Wan, along with his partner; they had just returned from a rather harrowing mission and had been given a few days to rest and recover. Reaching out along the Force, Obi-Wan let it guide his steps, and it led him to a remote, secluded part of the garden. 

It wasn't long before he spotted a familiar sight--himself. He slowed his pace, taking in the details of the scene before him: this reality's Obi-Wan was sprawled beneath a large shade tree, apparently asleep. He was resting his head in someone's lap, but that someone was definitely not Qui-Gon. 

In fact, Obi-Wan couldn't recall ever seeing the Jedi before, not in any reality, including his own. It wasn't Qui-Gon, and it wasn't Xanatos. The stranger was dark-haired, yes, but it wasn't the inky blackness of Xanatos' hair, and he wore it short, only a little longer than a Padawan cut. His face was lean, angular, and unusually expressionless, but not closed. Although the stranger was seated, Obi-Wan could tell he was not nearly as tall as Qui-Gon, but he appeared to be broad-shouldered and possessed of a strong, well-muscled frame. 

The pair were obviously intimate. The stranger was sitting with his back against the wide trunk of the shady tree, reading a datapad held in one hand. The other hand was idly stroking Obi-Wan's hair, which was long, spilling through the man's fingers; even though his complete attention wasn't on what he was doing, the other Jedi seemed to find unconscious pleasure in the caresses, his slender fingers moving slowly, sensuously through the red-gold strands. 

Obi-Wan was lying on his side, his eyes closed and his features relaxed; one arm was thrown across the legs of the man who, in this place, must be his lover. It was a tranquil scene, silently bespeaking strong emotion and trust between the two. 

Hesitantly, Obi-Wan approached, and, as if sensing his presence, the stranger glanced up, his composed expression fleetingly registering shock as he placed the datapad aside and shook his lover awake, his other hand moving to the hilt of his lightsaber. This reality's Obi-Wan's eyes flew open, fixing on Obi-Wan, widening with surprise. Immediately, he was on his feet, his lightsaber drawn, but not ignited. His companion rose as well, not as quick to draw but clearly on guard. 

"Who are you?" he demanded. "What are you, and how did you get here?" 

Obi-Wan stepped forward, but that move was quickly aborted when his double ignited his lightsaber and shook his head warningly. 

"No. Stay where you are. And you'd better start explaining fast." 

Reaching out, Obi-Wan counted on the bond that always seemed to exist between himself and his doubles, using it to send reassurance and to reinforce the truth of his words as he began to explain. 

"I'm you," he said, keeping his voice quiet and making no sudden moves. "But I'm you from another reality." 

As he continued to explain, his double's guard slowly lowered, and by the end, he had powered down his lightsaber and put it away, obviously accepting--but still questioning. 

"All right, so you're going from reality to reality... why?" he asked, his tone more curious than accusatory. 

"I'm trying to find someone," Obi-Wan replied simply. "I want to find a Qui-Gon whose Obi-Wan is dead in hopes of being able to stay with him." 

For a moment, his double appeared on the verge of asking another question, but slowly, his eyes grew very wide, and realization dawned in his expression. Obi-Wan had the feeling that the bond between them, as well as his double's own experiences, had led to an epiphany. 

"You loved him," the double stated as if he didn't have any doubts about the matter. 

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. "And I didn't tell him. Ever." 

The other Obi-Wan nodded in return. "Neither did I. I was afraid to." 

"Yes." It was a whisper, wound about with palpable regret and longing. 

"And then I lost him, and--" 

"It hurt... so damned much I thought I would die from it. I wanted--" 

"To die from it. All the light was--" 

"Gone. With him." 

"Yes." 

"Yes." 

"I understand," his twin murmured, his voice laced with sympathy. "You seek what I lost." 

"It looks as though you've found someone else." The words were out of Obi-Wan's mouth before he could stop them, and he immediately tried to apologize; he didn't intend to insult or criticize this reality's Obi-Wan for moving on with his life. 

But his twin didn't seem to take offense. He glanced over at the other Jedi and nodded, all trace of residual pain fading as a slow, warm smile bloomed on his lips. "Yes. It took a long time, but... yes. I have." He looked back at Obi-Wan. "This will get confusing, so just call me Obi, all right? My close friends do." Obi's smile broadened with pride as he indicated the other Jedi. "And this is Maul." 

The stranger moved forward, and Obi-Wan peered at him, his eyes narrowing. There was something familiar about the way the man moved, something about that fluid, feral grace that sparked his memory, but he couldn't quite pin it down... 

"Do I know you?" he asked. "Your double in my reality, I mean. Who are you?" 

Maul stopped beside Obi and looked at Obi-Wan, a fleeting glimpse of--what was that? Regret? Dismay? Reluctance?--in his eyes. 

"You have indeed met my double in your own reality and others besides," he said, his voice soft and smooth. "I was Darth Maul. I am now Jedi Knight Maul. I have changed my appearance to reflect my inner transformation. When you met my double, no doubt his face was covered with red and black tattoos." 

No... it couldn't be... That would mean this man was the Sith who killed his Master... 

Stunned, Obi-Wan staggered backwards, hastily moving away from Obi as if he were tainted. His face was contorted with anger and loathing as he stared at the Sith, who remained unmoving, although the calm pleasantness had drained from his expression, replaced by alert wariness. 

"How could you?" Obi-Wan hissed, recoiling when Obi tried to touch him, to offer comfort. "How could you let that--that thing touch you? How could you embrace the Darkness like that?" 

Memories flooded him, nearly bringing him to his knees, and choked sobs rose in his throat at the thought of any version of himself willingly giving himself to a creature of Darkness. It was a vile abomination--unthinkable! 

"I will leave you." The Sith's voice reached him through the haze of confusion surrounding him. 

"Yes, I think that's best," he heard Obi answer, and then they were alone. 

Obi grasped his shoulders firmly, gazing at him with concern in his eyes. "Peace, brother. It's not what you think." 

"Not what--?" Obi-Wan bit the words off, scarcely trusting himself to speak. "You've joined with a Sith, and you say it's not what I think? How could you? It's disgusting! How could you even think of it? How can you bear for him to touch you? How can you submit to his depravity night after night... the pain... the endless humiliation..." 

Wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan, Obi simply held him, sending waves of reassurance to him, letting the shock wear off at its own pace; Obi-Wan could feel Obi reaching along the bond they shared for the first time, seeking answers to explain this unexpected outburst, and he allowed it, not trusting himself to speak. When he had finally calmed down enough to think and speak rationally, Obi gently caressed his cheek, gazing at him with sympathy and compassion. 

"You've been hurt," he said. "By a Sith." 

Wordlessly, Obi-Wan nodded. He didn't want to discuss it, didn't want to relive the memories any more than he already had thanks to this unexpected discovery. 

"I'm sorry. I can sense how deeply that experience has scarred you, but you have to understand--Maul is no longer a Sith," Obi continued quietly, his expression somber as he kept Obi-Wan close, trying to help restore some measure of peace. "He's a Jedi now, and he doesn't hurt me. Whatever happened to you at the hands of the Sith... it's not like that for me. Do you really think he would be allowed to stay here at the Temple if he were still a Sith? Do you really think I would allow such a thing?" 

Obi-Wan blinked, surprised anew by that thought. It was true he hadn't sensed any taint of Darkness here, and Master Yoda had seemed remarkably calm. Surely if there were any trace of Darkness left in Darth Maul, he would have felt it. Maybe he had judged too quickly. Maybe. 

"I think," Obi said carefully, as if he weren't sure how well what he was about to say would be taken, "maybe you ought to talk to Maul. I think maybe he could help more than I can." 

His initial reaction was to refuse--vehemently. He didn't want anything to do with any version of Darth Maul, not even one who claimed to have turned to the Light. But he took a few deep, calming breaths, then nodded slowly. If nothing else, he could reassure himself that Obi wasn't being mistreated or manipulated in any way. Perhaps that was why he had been sent: to rescue his double from the hands of a dark influence. 

Obi tilted his head slightly, his eyes unfocusing as if he were withdrawing inside himself for a moment, and through their connection, he sensed a vague echo of a bond--with Darth Maul. It was all he could do not to physically recoil at the idea of sharing such an intimate link with a Sith, but he drew in several deep breaths, trying to remain calm as Obi mind-spoke with his partner. When he snapped back to full alertness, Obi riveted his attention on Obi-Wan again. "He's in our quarters. I can show you if you like." 

Nodding silently, Obi-Wan drew up his hood and allowed Obi to lead him through the halls of the Temple; the layout of the Temple was close to, if not exactly like, the one from his own reality, and that made it easy for him to tell Obi was leading him along hallways that were quiet and well off the main routes. Given how different the two of them appeared, circumspection was definitely a good idea, and he pulled his hood farther over his face until Obi stopped in front of a door, activated the sensor and then waved Obi-Wan inside, smiling his reassurance. 

"You're not coming in?" Obi-Wan asked, a little dismayed at the idea of being left alone with Darth Maul, but Obi shook his head. 

"This is a conversation the two of you should have alone, I think. Don't worry, he doesn't bite." He paused, his smile widening into a wicked grin. "Well, not very hard." 

With that, Obi turned and strolled away. Obi-Wan took a deep breath, mentally braced himself and stepped inside. Darth Maul was nowhere to be seen at first; glancing around, Obi-Wan noticed that their quarters were mostly tidy. The overall impression was one of neatness, but there were a few things scattered about--datapads, a half-filled glass left on the table, a robe draped carelessly over a chair--that showed it was a home, not just a place to stay. He finally spotted the Sith standing on the balcony, and he strode over, his expression grim, determined to get this confrontation over with as quickly as possible. 

"So. You say you were a Sith, and now you're not anymore." It was a more belligerent opening than he had intended, but it was too late to take the words and the tone back, and part of him didn't care anyway. 

"Yes. I was." Darth Maul turned slowly and looked at him, a tranquil gaze that didn't waver. "No. I am not." 

"I don't believe you. How can anyone make such a drastic change? Impossible!" 

"Nothing is impossible with the Force." Darth Maul leaned against the balcony ledge and crossed his arms. "Are there not Jedi who have fallen victim to the Dark side?" 

"Well... yes," he admitted reluctantly. 

"Then why do you think it so unlikely that a Sith might seek the beauty of the Light?" 

"Because the Light side isn't as seductive as the Dark side," he snapped. "The Dark side is the quick and easy path to power--" 

The ex-Sith gave a derisive snort. "Falling victim to the Dark side may be quick and easy. Training as a Sith is not. Remaining on the Dark path is also not as fulfilling as living in the Light. There is no peace. There is anger. There is no serenity. There is hatred. There is no tranquillity. There is chaos. Having experienced both paths, I would choose the Light again." 

Obi-Wan braced both hands on the ledge and studied the city-scape below. Coruscant was bustling with activity as usual, and even here, high above, he could hear the rush of aircars, all the myriad noises of urban life. It was as tumultuous as his own thoughts. 

This Darth Maul was not at all what he had expected. Even at this close range, he couldn't sense any hint of Darkness about him. Yet he couldn't separate this quiet, somber man from the image of the maniacal demon that had killed his Master. 

"I don't understand," Obi-Wan said, turning to look at Darth Maul at last. "What made you change? Why did you repudiate the Dark Side?" 

The other man clasped his hands behind his back and gazed steadily at him. "You will not like the answer even if you believe it." 

"Try me." 

"For the same reasons you travel from reality to reality in search of your Master. Love and hope." 

Obi-Wan froze, an angry retort blooming and then dying on his lips. "Explain," he said simply. As much as he hated to admit it, he was beginning to lose some of his hostility towards the ex-Sith. 

For a long time, Maul was silent, his dark blue eyes hooded and pensive; Obi-Wan watched and waited, sensing that this story was not an easy one to tell. 

"We become our choices." Maul's voice was low and intense. "I was never given a choice. Sidious stole me as an infant and kept me sequestered until I reached adulthood. When he finally allowed me to leave his presence, I saw things which made me question my training. When I first saw Obi on Naboo, I also saw his inner light. It called to me, and I answered." 

He broke off and fixed Obi-Wan with a stern glare. "No doubt you will think me incapable of love. Perhaps at that time I was. I was not, however, incapable of hope." 

"You turned from the Dark because of Obi?" Obi-Wan asked, incredulous. 

Maul shook his head. "I had already begun turning from the Dark. Obi gave me the incentive I needed to break from my Master." 

"Wait..." He pressed his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, trying to process this information and put it in some semblance of order. "You met Obi on Naboo, presumably the same time you killed Qui-Gon--" 

"No." Maul's voice was hard, the harshest tone Obi-Wan had heard him use yet. "I did not kill Qui-Gon Jinn. He and Obi fought a clone of me. It is the clone who was responsible for his death. I have blood on my hands, but not Qui-Gon's. I was watching the battle, ordered to step in only if needed." 

"Needed?" 

"I was to kill the Jedi if they survived." 

"I see." 

"The clone killed Qui-Gon. Obi survived and killed the clone. Obviously I did not kill him." 

"So you disobeyed orders." This realization did more to help convince him of the truth in Maul's words than anything else. From what he knew of the Sith, they didn't disobey orders, and there were no second chances. Maul had to have known he was risking his life in disobeying his Master like that. "How did you get away from your Master?" 

"He attempted to kill me for betraying him. Fortunately, he did not succeed." 

Simple words, but the low thrum of pain underlying them spoke volumes. Obi-Wan suspected that to say his escape had not been easy would have been an understatement. 

"I healed. I waited. Eventually I came here in search of Obi." 

"And he just..." Obi-Wan floundered for words, still amazed. "Just accepted you? He forgot Qui-Gon just like that and fell in love with you?" 

A long moment of silence hung between them, and then Maul chuckled softly. "No." 

His laughter was ironic and self-deprecating, and Obi-Wan heard in it all he didn't say: their relationship had not been a smooth and easy one. Far from it, he guessed. 

"Obi reacted to me much as you did. There were moments when he would have slain me without hesitation or regret," Maul continued. "He did not believe I was not responsible for Qui-Gon's death until he was faced with proof he could not deny. Only then did he allow the shields he had built around his heart to lower. Even still, the path from grudging tolerance to love was a long one." 

Obi-Wan nodded, not really knowing what to say in response to that, and a silence fell between them. 

"May I ask what happened to you?" Maul asked quietly. 

Obi-Wan didn't have to ask what he was referring to, and he hesitated before answering. He had dealt with the trauma and emotional scars and had had help in dealing with them, but he had been cast into the fire and burned. The residual pain, anger and suffering still remained--perhaps not as strong--but they were not wholly gone either. 

"I..." His face and eyes were bleak as he forced the words out; he didn't want to discuss this, but he felt compelled to, not because of any influence Maul was attempting to work on him but because it seemed right somehow. "I was once in a reality where Qui-Gon was a Sith." 

He sketched out the tale in simple words, keeping it as brief and unemotional as possible. When he had finished, he was surprised to feel himself shaking--and even more surprised when Maul slowly lifted his hand, giving him plenty of time to move away, and rested his palm against Obi-Wan's cheek, caressing the soft skin with his thumb. Obi-Wan felt a momentary urge to flinch away, but the touch was comforting, not threatening, and it helped to soothe him a little. 

"We become our choices," Maul repeated quietly. "I chose to leave the Dark path and walk in the Light. I believe that I am the man I was meant to be had I been given a choice. The Sith version of me that you have encountered again and again made different choices than I have done, but he too could have chosen the Light." 

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. That was, after all, the heart of everything he had learned about the various realities he had visited. Somewhere along the way, a choice had been made which directed which way it was going to go whether on an individual or collective level or both. Each path is walked somewhere, he thought, so I shouldn't be surprised by this one. 

"In this reality, you see in me the good which exists in potential in every version of me, just as you saw the darkness in the Qui-Gon who tortured you which exists in potential in every version of Qui-Gon. It comes back to balance. We are all creatures of light and darkness, Obi-Wan. The choices we make determine what we show to the universe." 

"Would you ever turn back?" He knew it was a harsh question, but he had to ask for his own peace of mind. 

"No." Maul's tone was firm, allowing no room for doubt. "I will never return to the Dark side, not after knowing the peace and beauty of the Light. I appreciate the value of all I have fought for and won because I know what waits on the other path. I will never walk it again." 

As Obi-Wan watched, he saw Maul draw in a deep breath and slowly center himself again. "I have severed all ties to my former life," Maul continued, his voice quiet and calm once more. "All save one. I retain the name given to me by my Master. It is the only name I have ever known, and now I let it serve as a reminder of the past which I must atone for day by day. But I will never return to Sidious. When I was his apprentice, I hated him for the various forms of torture he subjected me to. Now..." He paused and shook his head. "I should not still hate him. I do. He stole my life. He allowed me no choices. This is the life I should have had, and I can never forgive him for keeping it from me." 

"I assume you've already given the Council all the information you have on your Master." It wasn't quite a question. By this point, Obi-Wan felt certain that Maul's dedication to the Temple was as sincere as he said it was. At Maul's nod of assent, he added, "And you know of the link between him and Senator Palpatine?" 

Maul hesitated, then nodded again. "We are... investigating that," he said, his tone carefully neutral, and Obi-Wan let the matter drop. Apparently the danger here wasn't immediate, and as long as they already were aware of the threat from Palpatine, he wouldn't worry. 

He studied the man standing before him carefully; Maul's expression was composed, and Obi-Wan could see compassion in the depths of his dark blue eyes. Reaching out along the Force, he probed, carefully at first and then with increasing depth; Maul even lowered his shields, and Obi-Wan could feel the resonances of the bond he shared with Obi, but there was no tinge of Darkness anywhere. Whatever this man had once been, he was of the Light now. Completely. 

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said softly. "I misjudged you." 

A smile tugged at Maul's lips. "You are not the first Obi-Wan to do so," he replied. "You are not Obi. I am not Qui-Gon. I could not love you any more than you could ever love me. But I love my Obi-Wan," he said quietly but in a tone that allowed no room for argument; it was a firm statement of fact. "No harm will ever come to him if I have the power to prevent it. Do you understand?" 

It was, he realized, meant as reassurance. Despite his history, Maul would never subject Obi to the sort of physical and emotional horrors that Obi-Wan himself had suffered. He nodded, but drew back quickly when Maul leaned forward as if to kiss him. 

But Maul slid his hand around to the back of Obi-Wan's neck, smiling slightly. "Don't worry. It's not that kind of kiss." 

"Then what kind is it?" 

"Consider it a kiss of peace," Maul leaned forward again and murmured against Obi-Wan's lips. 

With that, he urged Obi-Wan closer again, and this time, Obi-Wan allowed it, moving into Maul's arms. As their lips touched, he felt no rising passion for this man, his double's lover, but he found himself relaxing into the embrace, letting himself feel and acknowledge the peace that surrounded Maul, that was an integral part of his being. Maul's hands stroked his back soothingly, and he lost himself in tasting and exploring with lips and tongue, savoring the timelessness. He was one with the moment, and it was serene. 

When they broke apart at last, Obi-Wan smiled with genuine warmth at Maul for the first time. "I guess it's a good thing Obi didn't decide to check up on us just now. He might have been jealous." 

"No." Maul's expression was somber, but there was a light of mischief in his eyes as he replied, "He knows your hair is too short." 

The familiar urging of the Force told him it was time to move on, but at Obi's insistence, he agreed to stay the night. The three of them shared a pleasant meal, and then agreed to share a bed. 

"Not that way," Obi hastened to assure him, judging from his reaction that he was surprised by the offer. "You just feel like..." He broke off, then gave Obi-Wan a sweetly sheepish smile. "You feel like you could use the company." 

And so he found himself with the most unlikely of bed-mates, all of them clad only in sleep pants as they nestled close. Obi-Wan was given the center spot; Maul curved around him from behind, draping one arm across his waist not only to embrace him but also to keep in contact with Obi, who was cuddled up to him in front, facing him. With a Sith-turned-Jedi radiating peace plastered against his back and a clearly happy version of himself curled up against his chest, Obi-Wan felt like laughing at the absurdity of the situation. 

But he was surprised at how comforting it was as well. He hadn't been sandwiched between two people who cared about him and who radiated such positive vibes since he had left Qui-Gon and Obi-One. Tears stung his eyes at the memory, and he longed to go back there in time as well as space, to become once more the person he had been then; in sleep, Obi shifted closer, and Maul nuzzled Obi-Wan's bare shoulder drowsily as if they were aware of his distress on some level and sought to reassure him. 

Burrowing closer to both of them, Obi-Wan closed his eyes, reached out and let himself be enfolded in their auras, feeling their contentment as his own until he finally drifted off to sleep. 

The next morning, they accompanied him to a secluded portion of the meditation garden to say good-bye. 

"May the Force guide you home at last, brother," Obi said just before pulling Obi-Wan into a tight hug. "I've found my peace. I hope yours isn't long in coming." 

"It's out there waiting for me," Obi-Wan replied, returning the embrace with equal strength. "I have to keep believing that." 

Obi stepped back, and Maul and Obi-Wan regarded each other silently for a moment. 

"Thank you," Obi-Wan said simply. "You said some things I needed to remember." 

Maul bowed slightly. "You are welcome. I hope you find everything you are looking for." 

"So do I," he replied, smiling sadly as he pulled the lightsaber out of his backpack and prepared to ignite it once more. "But I think some things are lost for good." 

And with a burst of displaced air, he was gone.  
  


  
-End-  
  



End file.
